Bittersweet

Adjective

1. tasting of or being a mixture of bitterness and sweetness

2. pleasant but tinged with sadness

mom

This definition fits like a soft, well worn pair of jeans. My mother was ill year upon year, and had virtually switched roles; I now her “mother” (with 2 small kids of my own) she the “child,” her cognitive thoughts and reasoning stolen by a massive stroke. I longed for the mom I once knew but loved the “momchild” I now had…bittersweet.

She passed early one morning, ironically on my birthday.

Years have been spent dwelling on the meaning of that last action (as if she had any control of the timing) and I made the choice to honor her memory on that day…realizing in a way it was her last gift to me …the deep comfort of knowing she was free…bittersweet.

14 comments:

margie said...

i have a friend who worked closely with her grandfather in the family business her whole life. when i heard that he died on her birthday i immediately said "how lovely". i was shocked that i had said that out loud but she looked at me and smiled and said that she had felt honoured that he had done that for her. your mom will always be with you on your birthday, how lovely. all the best and take care.

jfrancis said...

Bitter to sweetness,
the choices of time.
Father of earth
consoling his child
with a memory
never forgotten.

gnubee said...

Thank you for stopping in at my blog, it led me to yours and to thinking about my Dad today. I posted to him on 5/27/08, bittersweet tears of remembrance as well.

Mom in Jamaica said...

Somehow it seems that life became full circle for you on the day of your birth each year. In some way perhaps it honored you because you could choose to have happy moments as you think of the remembrances of the past. On the day of your birth she gave you a gift to be free of her present life and soar with the angels on high. That is a wonderful thought. As you blow out your candles each year, you can watch the smoke go up where the blessing of your mother has gone to heaven.

Meadowlark Days said...

Thanks for sharing this about your mom. Losing family is never easy.

Vodka Mom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sally Parrott Ashbrook said...

Very touching post about your Mom.

I think about when those days come with my mother, and she's only in her fifties at this point--but she doesn't take very good care of herself, so I think it will happen sooner than it would otherwise.

ELK said...

thanks for visiting my blog ladies and commenting on something that was life changing for me ~ your words mean alot!

Christina said...

Your mother was beautiful. Now on each birthday, she will remind you to- live life, a beautiful life. : )

ELK said...

yes Christina I do have that special reminder!

O. Joy said...

Such a very beautiful post... full of emotion and beautiful thoughts. It was a gift she gave you. My mom passed a week before my birthday. That morning, she kept asking what the date was.... I thought she was asking the "day". I kept telling her Thursday. She said no... the date - what's the date? I told her the 8th. She slid back & said OK - I always felt she was trying to see if my bday was here.

Your mom was beautiful! Such a gorgeous portrait!!
xo

deb said...

My heart felt this, the story , and now how yours will continue changed, changing.

Kathleen said...

Aaah. Every birthday a rememberance, a celebration and a longing. Hugs.

emily wierenga said...

oh friend...

my mum too...

i understand this, in many ways. i ache for you, and yet,

now, she's whole.

this, bittersweet indeed. love to you.